I felt my corporate job was slowly sucking away my passion and drive. I hated that feeling. It was turning me into a negative unhappy person that I never thought I would turn into. My job had me working all day and then whipping out my laptop every evening, too. I thought it was normal; it never occurred to me to even question the relentless servitude that had become my career. As a mom, I felt guilty every work hour that I was away from my kids. And then I felt guilty at home that I was constantly exhausted. Every tantrum my children threw, every glass of water they knocked over and spilled, every mess they made sent me over the edge, struggling to maintain my overwhelming anxiety, my agitation, and the quiet rage that had been bubbling within me for so long.
I wanted to do more, to be more, to feel more, to live more, but I was in constant survival mode, trying to get through each day, eager to perform at my job and then striving to fulfill my mom duties at home. I was failing everyone, especially myself. Stress consumed every fiber of my being. Coffee was like an IV in my arm, getting me through each day after many a sleepless night, as I tossed and turned, wondering how my life had turned into this. I remembered having big dreams as a little girl. None of those dreams included going through each day like a robot, completely devoid of joy or emotions.
The walls closed in on me like a prison. There was beeping all around me, it seemed to be coming from everywhere. The hospital room looked hazy through my semi-conscious vision. I’d reached that point where my body spun out of control to match my frenzied life. So there I was hooked up to a bunch of machines, each one of them seeming to beep their disapproval at what I’d allowed my life to turn into. I was 8 months pregnant with my third child, my fever raging off the charts and refusing to budge no matter what anyone did. My blood pressure was dropping to dangerously low levels, and my pulse was barely audible. My whole body was shutting down. I had to pull myself together just to survive and I knew at that moment, that if I lived to walk out of this hospital, if I lived hold my son in my arms, if I lived to go home to my children who so badly needed me, I’d turn my life around and no job, no boss, and no power on earth could stop me.
It was right there I understood what Einstein meant when he gifted us with his famous definition of Insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. It was right there I understood I need to be the driver of the change. I realized that otherwise my life stays the same and my body depleted by the daily stress won’t be strong enough to get through another virus in future.
The word had become so ubiquitous in my life, as if it were my new mantra. And yet, it had been so absent prior to that fateful trip to the hospital. I’d spent weeks recovering; devouring every book and every motivational quote I could get my hands on. Within the first three years I read over 250 books ranging from psychology, spirituality, philosophy, body-mind memory to neuro-linguistic programming. I dug deep into my old wounds and traumas to remove their effect on my life. Through this process, I learned how to eliminate stress and remove all negativity from my life. I didn’t leave the corporate world nor did I start making drastic changes to my external world. The transformation came from inside out; and by understanding and changing my inside world – my thoughts and emotions – the outside world started reflecting the peace, beauty, and ease of living. My personal quantum leap was confirmed when, after two years into this journey, my then-seven- year-old daughter looked at me as I was tidying up the toys scattered in our loving room and exclaimed, “Mommy, you have changed so much. You smile so much more. You seem much happier!” It was then that I truly knew I was on the right track. And I kept going forward and have never looked back.
There comes a time when you realize you are tired, too tired to control the uncontrollable, tired of your life being a never-ending to do list, tired of living the same day over and over again, tired of fighting negative that cause guilt and anxiety. The day you surrender and realize that if nothing changes, well, nothing changes, that will be the first day of your new life.
If today is that day, I want you to know that you will never regret it. I want you to know that you don’t even need to know how to make the change. All you need to do today is make the decision to take back your power: Starting living instead of merely surviving. For me this has become a familiar task – I tore down my prison walls and I’m ready to help you do the same. It’s a taste of freedom so sweet that you will never believe you lived any other way. You don’t need to know how to get there, just know you will get there, and I will help. This is my promise to you. Schedule a call with me today and start your journey of becoming your true self.