If you ever needed to make a kid who is chilling and playing video games online do something you want, you know it’s a nearly impossible task.
Unless there is yelling, shouting, and arguing involved.
As a matter of fact, to make your dog do your laundry may be a much easier and more pleasurable task than making a kid move away from a video game.
Well, that’s exactly what I had to do the other day.
See, I had to drive my daughter to a dentist appointment and there was no one else home so my 8 year-old son had to go with us.
The problem was it was the last thing he wanted to do.
He has been home from school only for a few minutes enjoying his play time.
And going to a dentist appointment with his sister was the last thing he wanted to do that afternoon. Or generally in his life.
All he wanted was to take a break and chill.
All he wanted was to play with his friends who were online too.
All he wanted was to be alone and enjoy his free time.
Sometimes, we get what we want, and sometimes we need to do what we don’t want to.
And this was that time.
“Put your shoes on. We are leaving in 5 minutes.” I told my son as I was passing by his room.
Finishing some work I needed to get done and getting myself ready I let the zero response slide.
“Put your shoes on. We are leaving now.” I told him after 5 minutes and passed by his room on my way to the hallway.
He put the videogame away and came out of his room.
He came into the hallway, not happy at all, demanding an answer: “Why do I need to go?”
“Because you can’t stay home alone. Please put your shoes on.”
And then it happened.
Suddenly, he grabbed one of his shoes and as he was jamming it on his foot he yelled:
“You made me angry!”
And here we go …
What did I do?
Did I start playing a power game with my son showing him who is a boss here?
No, I didn’t.
Did I start yelling and screaming demanding respect because I didn’t like the way he was talking to me?
No, I didn’t.
Did I start emotional manipulation, projecting blame or guilt onto him so he caved in and did what I wanted him to do?
No, I didn’t.
In fact, I remained as cool as a cucumber.
As I was putting my jacket on and taking the car keys I delivered my flash roll in a completely content tone of voice:
“I didn’t make you angry. You made yourself angry. I don’t have the power to make you angry. I don’t have the power to make you happy. You are the only one so powerful that you can make yourself angry or happy.
And you can choose.
You didn’t like that you needed to go with us, and you chose to react with anger so you are angry.
And now you have another choice, to stay angry while I’ll be driving and then while we will be waiting for your sister until she is done at the dentist, OR you can choose to be happy and we can have an amazing ride together, see what adventures await us and have fun.
What do you want?”
It didn’t take him too long to respond.
My son’s emotional state changed like with a magic wand. With a twinkle in his eye he looked at me and said “I want to have fun.”
I flashed a big smile at him: “I like your choice. Let’s have some fun!”
He gave me a hug and with that, we left the house.
And yes, the three of us had so much fun that afternoon! We talked about silly things in the car, and we saw a three-legged dog wagging his tail and being so happy not being bothered by the fact that he had only three legs at all.
At 8 years old my son is no novice to my teachings so it’s no surprise he was able to take control of his emotions instantly. Small kids generally have an amazing ability to switch from a negative state of being to a neutral or a positive one pretty fast because their subconscious mind is not burdened by thousands of self-limiting beliefs as is the case with adults.
Nowadays, people are full of anger and negative emotions.
Everything is changing rapidly – technology, regulations, ways how we work and live due to epidemics. People are irritated, frustrated, and angry.
Working with clients who are Type A personalities, high-achieving executives and top-performers I see it every day. Leaders and entrepreneurs have hundreds of opportunities every hour to see their plans change, goals get blocked, revenues and profits plummet.
And while they may have succeeded in maintaining their anger and composure in the workplace to remain professional and to not jeopardize their career, the built-up frustration often leads to anger or rage outbursts at home. Many times a small remark of their spouse, or a smirk of their teenager gets them going like a full blown erupting volcano.
Decisions made from anger have a devastating effect on their companies, health, and relationships in the long term.
Controlling or managing anger or any other negative emotions is totally impossible.
This is the reason why common methods such as therapy, anger management, breathing and other band-aids don’t work. Yes, it can bring temporary results but sooner or later the suppressed emotions will backfire tenfold.
The truth is, natural anger lasts only a few seconds and can be transformed into neutral or positive emotions easily. What these top-performers experience as anger, whether suppressed or expressed, is an automatic reaction of a cluster of deep engraved mental and emotional patterns that have created their identity and has anchored them into a negative mental and emotional state of being.
People identify themselves with this chronic state of being so much that they think it’s who they are and how they are, thinking they can’t change it. Meanwhile, it’s absolutely not the case and a person could easily switch from negative to a positive state.
The reason I am able to help my clients to remove anger from their lives within a few weeks is because I am not trying to change their reaction to conditions they face on a daily basis that trigger them into a negative emotional reaction.
Instead, I am able to clearly see beyond what is and through the self-imposed beliefs and limitations of a client. Simply put, I don’t see what they see, I see what they don’t see. I don’t hear what they tell, I hear what they don’t tell.
While pointing out the truth may come as a shock to them first, seeing the unseen and bringing it into their awareness is what allows a massive shift in their consciousness.
A person displaying chronic angry behavior doesn’t stand in their personal power. They don’t own their self-worth and therefore they are compelled to use a variety of behaviors and tactics to gain power. They are being haunted by a deep subconscious feeling of powerlessness and hence they use every mechanism to feel in power.
They are sneaky and calculating.
They manipulate others and outcomes.
They blame others for an undesirable outcome.
They expect preferential treatment.
They are two-faced.
True personal power has nothing to do with a position, status or how intelligent a person is.
A personal power is a deep engraved feeling of self-worth and autonomy. It’s knowing who you are at any point in time.
You know your truth.
You know your self-worth.
You know who you truly are.
And as such, no one’s words, actions, or behavior can affect you.
You stand in a deep sense of identity and you don’t need any external conditions to prove the identity to you. Your sense of self comes completely from within.
You are FREE.
You are a true leader and inspiration for others.
You command a natural presence.
You radiate natural confidence by speaking clearly and directly.
You inspire others by being who you truly are.
Imagine if you had the ability to do what my son did.
Imagine if you were able to respond to any person or a situation with a complete clarity of mind.
Imagine if you could simply CHOOSE how you want to FEEL in any moment.
Imagine even more.
Imagine that you are able not only to regulate your thoughts and emotions at will to face any challenge, but also to harness the strength of your thoughts and emotions to feel joy, passion, and unbreakable confidence no matter what is going on around you.
How would it change your life?
What would you be able to achieve?
It’s absolutely possible. I’ve done it for myself and I’ve helped my clients become masters of their thoughts and emotions, choosing to respond with a clear and focused mind to negative or confronting situations and making the best decisions possible.
You too can achieve such mastery.
Choosing how to respond to people’s behaviors and outside conditions.
Being super focused.
Being super resilient.
Being in absolute control.
Feeling the freedom of joy and passion.
Creating amazing rich experiences for yourself and people in your life.